Notes for my fans

Hey guys and gals!

I've heard a few complaints that I'm just not keeping up with this thing like I should. That's a good sign. It means someone's actually looking at it. That's why writers write. Well, technically that's only one small part of it. Some writers write for money, some because they have something to say (that's clearly not the case here!) and others for all kinds of reasons. For me, it's related to the the idea of having something to say but it's not nearly that uplifting or valuable. It's more of a neurosis. It's a compulsion to download before something really messy happens. My friends and co-workers can only take so much of it verbally so I write instead.

On increasingly rare occasions, I am able to channel this neurosis into creative works that sometimes, again increasingly rarely, are actually entertaining to some readers. But lately there just hasn't been much to say. I'm back to the old, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" thing. And there's no way in hell I could say anything nice about what I'm doing here. I quit keeping a journal 'cuz I can't even bear to rehash the day's events for posterity. I really don't ever want to relive these days. I just need to be done with this shit.

I thought I could get by, placate my fans, with posting an occasional picture and making inane comments about it, but that too has gone the way of just about everything else I try here - it doesn't work anymore and I can't seem to fix it no matter how much effort I throw into it. I'll continue to look into ways of remedying that, just as I'll continue to do what it is I do here. It's just that now, I don't suffer under any false ideas that it will help or amount to anything. I'm cool with that.

Now, before any of you read a cry for help into this post, or at least a sobbing for pity or attention, don't. I don't need pity or cheering up or anything like that. I'm perfectly fine with my current state of affairs. In fact, on a personal level, I'm as clear as I've been in a long time. There's no hidden message here. As I said, I'm cool with it. So fear not, legions of fans, I shall survive, perhaps even overcome. It's just that my definition of surviving is different than it was when I got here and thought I'd find gainful employment. My perspective on "overcoming" has been slightly adjusted.

Having said that, today is a good day. I just got back from a little working vacation where one objective was clearly met: I actually missed this place and was glad to be back. I got talked into attending this junket by being told, "it's only a ten minute flight and we'll be back before dinner."

Do I even need to say, the flight was over an hour and we didn't get back for dinner?

Due to the weather, we lost our return flight. That meant we fell off the radar altogether and had to beg, borrow, and steal a ride home after accomplishing nothing and spending the night in transient quarters, racing to the terminal every few hours to see if we could go "home." Apparently the system for transporting individual or small groups of people has a lot in common with the system for acquiring parts and supplies. Bad weather? Not enough rank? Hold your tongue wrong? No soup for you! Based on my experiences thus far, I can't believe we haven't lost more people in this endeavor. I don't mean in combat, we're actually pretty good at that, but simply, literally lost folks until they found their way back to another unit or post or something. I'm glad I brought cash, credit cards and a civilian passport!

The flights were cool though. I got to see a lot of stuff most people only see on TV and I got to see stuff that's different from what I've seen in the last 3 months. And for two days, I literally couldn't come in to this office.

OK. Type at ya later.
Luth