Monday, October 19, 2009

Ohio's Gamble

If we saved all the money that the two sides on the Ohio gambling issue have spent in the last (what seems like) 20 elections, we probably wouldn't have a recession in Ohio. My favorite pro-gambling commercial shows two "corn-fed" (typical, healthy) middle-aged Ohio women sitting on a tour bus explaining that they're old high school classmates and that they've been getting together for years for this gambling trip to a neighboring state.

They make clear that they are upstanding, moral citizens (though they stop just short of calling themselves good Christians) who think it's silly that they have to take their money elsewhere for this annual get together.

It's cute, probably effective but it just emphasizes that the money behind it and the pro-gambling side comes from deep, generally out of Ohio pockets and thus, that most of the profits from any future legalized gambling here will end up back in those already deep, out of Ohio pockets.

I don't care about any of that. If you want to toss your money away in a casino, more power to ya... and yeah, I feel for you having to drive all that way to do it. Maybe you should be able to do it in Ohio. What do I care - as long as it's not in my neighborhood because I do know that I do not want my neighborhood to end up looking like the neighborhoods surrounding the strip in Vegas or Atlantic City, but there are plenty of places in Ohio where even THAT would be an improvement. The only concern I have is that details in this and past proposals seem to favor a specific out of state company who already has permits in place for construction that may never happen. That just strikes me as a little odd... a little not right.

But the real reason I'm posting about this commercial is because of a thought that makes me laugh every time I see it. Whenever I hear these two women pleading their innocence and the absurdity of having to drive elsewhere to gamble, I can't help but projecting other stories of "vice" into that commercial. I had hoped to find time to actually write little screenplays for my own versions, but that ain't gonna happen so instead, I'll just drop some little variants proposals on you and see if maybe it doesn't make you think about the topic before you vote in a couple of weeks:

OK, so instead of two middle aged women dressed conservatively, casually, riding a nice charter bus to Indiana or Detroit/Windsor or Erie or Buffalo to gamble... picture this:

Two slacker college kids on a flight bound for Amsterdam where they must fly to buy good, legal pot. They'd love to spend their money vacationing right here in Cleveland, but, darn it, the prudes here in the US won't legalize it so all that money and all those jobs are only on the other side of the ocean. If only we could pass issue 3 and keep that money and those jobs right here in Ohio!

Or how about two business men on a flight to Tokyo, Frankfurt (or maybe even parts of Nevada, Honduras, Mexico?? I really don't know much about this issue) because these two high school classmates, husbands, fathers, upstanding community members, active in local community organizations, just can't find local, legal prostitutes in Ohio like they can elsewhere. If we could all join them in passing issue 69, they could keep their money and all those jobs right here in Ohio! How silly is it that they must fly overseas or out of state for their once a year prostitute weekends?!

I'm sure you get the picture by now but let's throw one more in there: This time 4 friends wait on a small, remote, rural air strip in Texas as a less than poorly maintained looking commuter plane makes its approach to land. As the plane taxis toward the 4 guys they explain how they went to college together and now all have families and responsibilities - they're great guys! - who get together once a year for this trip to Columbia... just to maintain the bond of their friendship... and to snort coke all weekend long. They'd love to be able to do this back in Ohio, supporting small business airports, dealers, hotels and restaurants, but those darned prudes in Ohio just won't legalize coke and bring up to 50,000 jobs back to the heartland. Join these 4 guys in voting YES on issue 3. Bring those jobs back to Ohio!

As I mentioned, I have no moral qualms with legalizing gambling in Ohio... or drugs or prostitution for that matter! Just as long as it's not in my backyard. AND like most of my conservative friends, I'm willing to put my money where my mouth is on that matter and just buy a big enough backyard that I don't have to worry about it. After all, why should government tell us what kind of business we should run. We're capitalists and we oppose big government/socialist intervention!

If gambling is good enough to provide fundraising for schools and churches, it's good enough for the rest of us and big gov should keep its hands off!

Luth
Out