Lessons in Diplomacy, Professor: Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney says Nancy Pelosi shouldn't be out playing the diplomat with foreign heads of state whom the Bush administration has cut off.

Maybe he's got a point. After all, when Clinton struck a multi-lateral, internationally recognized deal with North Korea, the Bush administration cut them off rather than touch anything with Clinton's name on it that may eventually become a peaceful, successful legacy. Kim Jong Il, then, desperate for any attention from the U.S. violated the terms of the internationally sanctioned deal he'd made, and proceeded with his nuclear ambition until Bush finally had no choice but to acknowledge North Korea's existence. Guess he showed them! I suppose our success with North Korea should have been a sign that Bush knew what he was doing, but my Republican friends tell me I'm not always quick to pick up signs of success like that.

Then there's the diplomacy Cheney himself has sown. I recall seeing pictures of Dick Cheney and Saddam Hussein back in the good old days when we armed the dictator who eventually became so dangerous we had to invade his country to stop him. Cheney the diplomat must've really straightened that guy out. His diplomatic efforts there were such that three years after the capture of Hussein, we still need to win this war in his country in order to... to uh... well, anyway, Cheney proved his diplomatic prowess there by ensuring we'd always be partners with the Iraqis.

Did you know, that as Secretary of Defense, Cheney sent the first U.S. troops to Somalia? And Colonel Buzz Patterson said that was all Clinton's fault! How about Noriega? Cheney always had his eyes on that guy. So during a coup aftermath, just short of civil war, Cheney's attention led us to invade that country too and bring back Manuel Noriega to face racketeering and drug charges in Miami. (We convicted the bastard, by the way, thus ending the influx of illegal narcotics to the U.S. and ending forever the "War on Drugs!") Cheney's diplomacy there, as you may recall, involved blaring rock music from loud speakers toward Noriega's hideout/mansion. The guy's a freaking genius! Then there's Bosnia... but that's an ugly civil war that resulted from a vacuum of leadership. Cheney was smart there - he didn't touch that one. Wanted the U.S. to just stay out of other nation's affairs. Well, that and he wasn't re-elected. Or should I say the puppet he mastered wasn't re-elected.

Speaking of pictures, there are a whole bunch of pictures with Cheney and various Saudi Arabian diplomats from the same time period. He must have made some great progress with those guys. After all, they kicked us out of the air base we built for them just prior to Operation Enduring Freedom. Now, keep in mind, the whole reason to build that air base was to maintain a stabilizing presence in the middle east while making friends and spreading democracy after Desert Storm. Protecting U.S. interests and all, y'know. Of course, having a base from which to stage operations in the area never hurt, but we'd only ever use that to spread peace (ie Operation Enduring Freedom). Anyhoo, the base thing didn't work out too well while we tried to spread peace prior to 2001, so we had to perform the rest of Operation Enduring Freedom from other countries where we hadn't been building air bases and spreading democracy. Now initially, I figured this might be the result of Cheney's efforts all going for naught, but then 15 or so Saudi Arabian nationals were directly involved in flying planes into the World Trade Center on 9/11, so I guess I just misunderstood Cheney's diplomatic intentions there in the first place. Most of my Republican friends point out this flaw in my judgement to me all the time anyway. I just don't understand how real diplomacy works.

So the point is, when Cheney tells Pelosi she should stop messing with U.S. diplomatic efforts by trying her own hand in the diplomatic arena, maybe he's right. After all, we wouldn't want her screwing up everything he's been able to accomplish.

Luth,
Out