I got yer stimulus package right here!

I don't really have a stimulus package, but as you may have guessed, I have an opinion on the president's and here it is:

I'm as mixed about it as I was about Super Bowl XLIII.

I was raised better than this, but I just couldn't commit to hating the Steelers.  During the Browns' missing years I gained a new respect for the Steelers.  I began rooting for them just to spite Art Modell but in the course of that it occurred to me how similar the two towns and the two teams really were...or are...or were. Whatever.  Once I got over my upbringing (a deeply ingrained hatred of the Black and Gold and all they represented) it got easier and easier to root for this hard-nosed team built around The Bus, one of the last true franchise players in pro sports, and a lot of other pretty cool guys who played Browns-style football (only Pittsburgh was actually good at it). 

In addition to that, I get pretty annoyed with the typical Browns fan's hatred blinding them to the logic of rooting for one's own division in the big game.  If a neighboring high school team knocks your team out of the state semi-finals, don't you root for the neighbor in the championship?  Don't you still want your region to represent? C'mon!  How far do you have to go to prove your loyalty/hatred of the rival?  Besides, that hatred should be reserved for the Ravens these day anyway.  I just can't buy the escalating hatred for Pittsburgh long after the Browns season was over.

OK, now that I've cleared that up, I have to admit that I, like most of America, have fallen for Kurt Warner's story as well.  What a guy, even more so for disproving F. Scott Fitzgerald's "no second acts in American lives" theory.  And the Cardinals?  One of the original NFL teams, still owned by the orignal family (who arguably has held the team back for most of those years) and with the longest running drought since a championship second only to that of the Chicago Cubs. (and thank God for that or what would Browns fans have to prop us up?!)  That was American Hero Pat Tillman's team, for the love of Bob!!  It was Cuba Gooding Jr's team in Jerry McGuire. These poor guys probably still don't know where they'll be playing next season.  How can you not love 'em.  AND they were the underdog.  What's more American than rooting for the underdog?  Unless, of course, you have to put money on the game, and then we're back to the Steelers.

So anyway, yeah... I was a little torn about that game.  As it turned out, I solved the dilemma by rooting for offense.  Even here I was a little torn.  I love watching Akron native and NFL defensive player of the year, James Harrison,  as well as the throw-your-body-into-the-train-wreck antics of Troy Palomalu.  Offense may sell tickets, but I LOVE defense.  Still,  I had to do something so I just rooted for offense and so I was thrilled when the Cards managed to grab the lead late in the fourth.  Then I was pushed to the limits of football ecstasy when Ohioan Big Ben Roethliswhatever engineered that last drive throwing not just one, but two perfect passes to both corners of the end zone for Buckeye alum Santonio Holmes to catch.  (NOTE for the record that Holmes only managed to catch ONE of those perfect touchdown passes!! and was still named MVP over the guy who threw both of them - and they were both PERFECT passes)

Torn... that's how I feel about the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 too.  I can't quite bring myself to argue against education funding.  (or anything else in the package for that matter but...) It truly disgusts me how much Americans expect out of public education but how little we're willing to give for it.  Worse, how we sacrifice class after class's education experience to shave a few cents off our tax bill year after year.  Only in public education do we expect folks to work for near-poverty wages but be more educated than the majority of the working population, take over most parenting responsibility, be the model of integrity and professionalism, subject matter experts, counselors, cops, cheerleaders and friends.  How is it that the business model doesn't apply to teachers wherein the best and the brightest are attracted to the job with the biggest salaries? We talk about teacher accountability all the time, but rarely about accounting for their services, devotion and professionalism the way these traits are accounted for in almost every other profession - with cash!  Ditto for administrators who run some of the most efficient corporations in the nation with the smallest budgets in existence.  Think of the Superintendent of a large city's school system.  This guy (or gal) is the CEO of an organization with hundreds of facilities and thousands of employees.  Name one other corporation in American like that where the CEO doesn't make MILLIONS and yet we argue that low six figures is too much to pay the suprintendent and we expect far better results.  Nope, I won't argue against finally spending a tiny fration of what education is worth...

BUT, there's a time and a place for everything and I'm just not sure now is the time to finally deploy the long overdue funding help that public schools need from the state and federal level.  I can't help but wonder if that part of the package shouldn't be put on hold for a year until some other parts of the plan have begun to work their magic.

Speaking of that magic, wouldn't it be great if part of this package provided needed goods and services while at the same time creating jobs, upgrading the nation's aging infrastructure or even converting the nation to more sustainable power, fuel etc.  Now that's stimulus.  Even if you're among the minority of economists who don't believe that increased government spending at a time when the rest of the country has finally decided to save/not spend acts as a stabilizing force, you have to realize that putting people and companies to work across the country repairing those bridges before they fall into rivers, upgrading the power grid before more rolling brownouts, and building new sources of energy and alternative fuel infrastructures so we never have to worry about OPEC price adjustments ever again is not only a great idea, but one that also supports the mom and pop diners near the construction sites, the Red Wing shoe stores, the materials suppliers, the banks, the Caterpillar factory and dealerships, the gas stations on the way to work... and on and on and on.  That's stimulus.  Those are the kinds of investments that should top the list of spending in any stimulus package.

But alas, the biggest part of the Obama plan doesn't go to that kind of stimulus.  Nor do the second or the third or even the fourth biggest chunks.  The true "stimulus" portion of Obama's proposal comes in fifth among the categories of spending, after tax cuts, education funding, healthcare and welfare programs.

I will say this again:  I cannot bring myself to argue against increased federal education funding. And I'm not suggesting there will be no return on investment from educational spending - there will, exponential return... over time...

BUT, shouldn't we maybe generate a little revenue first? Get some people back to work? In fact, I'd even argue that the tax cuts should fall lower on the list, after all, taxes are one of the few things that have remained stable in this economy!  We're all used to paying them at the current rates and if you're unemployed now, your taxes are cut anyway, so why cut 'em... but that's another argument for later.  

So here's my plan:  We keep the spending categories Obama has proposed, and we keep his numbers, but we put the numbers to the categories like one of those matching tests from high school where you have to draw lines to connect the word with the definition.  Take the biggest chunk - the $275 billion in tax cuts - and connect it to the Upgrade the Infrastructure category... after all, this one is the one that will literally put people back to work and better still, they'll be working on fixing shit that's been falling apart due to lack of funding for far too long.  I'm willing to give in a little on some mortgage tax breaks to help homeowners and (groan) the banks, but not much.

Then let's take the second biggest chunk o cash - the $142 billion for education -  and connect it to the alternative energy/fuel/power transmission infrastructure improvements which also immediately puts people back to work and better still they'll be working on breaking the Middle East's grip on us and creating sustainable, clean sources of energy allowing us to remain rugged individuals each with our own 4wd vehicles and air conditioned homes with heated driveways well into our grandkids' and their grandkids' generations.  

After that you can rearrange the remaining categories - the healthcare spending, the welfare spending, and the tax cuts - however you want... hint: I'd connect the next biggest chunk o cash with education, but that's just me.  I could be swayed to move it to healthcare too.  In fact, if we'd fix healthcare, just about everyone with employer-paid insurance would probably see a $500 to a $1000 per month raise right away anyway.

I could even be persuaded to leave education off the first-year phase of the plan as long as it appears again in next year's phase with similiar numbers... adjusted UP for inflation, of course.

So anyway, yeah, I'm critiquing the Democrat now, but I'm a little torn about it.

Next dilemma:  Who's the bigger menace to society: 

A) a pot-smoking Michael Phelps or 

B) a woman with no partner in her life with 7 kids already and no way of supporting them who then takes fertility drugs and has 8 more ?

Luth

Out