A coupla things...

The conversations at the lunch table at work are the stuff that would have me stop back there even after they recognize me for the fraud that I am and fire me. Part high school locker room put downs, part philosophy of life, wholly entertaining on a variety of levels. In fact, I need to get the lunch crowd's input on this friend of mine who can't vote for Obama because every time he's been laid off, there's been a Democrat in office and in spite of paying more and more in taxes, he's never qualified for any relief during those layoffs. Now this friend is laid off again - he's a rocket scientist, seriously - and he seems to have overlooked the whole party thing... and the higher taxes we're all paying... and the cost of everything going up... and so his argument seems to be that he wants to pay less taxes because he's tired of the government programs they support, but he wants more support from the government when he's not paying any taxes at all? Is that the Republican philosophy? Don't contribute, complain about social programs, then cry cuz you don't qualify for social programs?

But before we get to that, I have to unload a couple of things that I noticed this weekend. The Family Luther was out and about quite a bit to include dinner, ice cream, and a trip to the zoo. During all of this, and even before, come to think of it, I began to notice the increasing number of guys who, as a result of even the initial stages of male pattern baldness, have shaved their heads completely bald. Luth's fashion statement: shaving your head bald in order to hide going bald is an overdone fashion trend that needs to move on.

Doesn't anyone else find that almost as creepy as the comb-over? When Michael Jordan made it cool to be bald again, it wasn't so bad, but that was what, 10, 15 years ago? I was even entertained by some guys I met in the Air Force back then who were questioned about being skinheads because they had followed Jordan's trend. How funny is that? But they were goofy youngsters at the time, with full heads of hair waiting for them when they were done rebelling. They also had to comply with the Air Force's grooming standards, so their options were pretty restricted to begin with. In fact, one of the rules of Air Force grooming is something like "extreme styles should be avoided," and arguably, shaving one's full head of hair completely bald could certainly be considered extreme. I'm sure that's how their first sergeant explained it. I even heard a story, perhaps a military urban legend about a kid who had shaved his head bald before basic training so as not to be picked on, but then was stuck with the "fat boy" flight until his hair grew out before he was allowed to join the actual training flight. Ok, back to the point, which was...???

Now, just to be clear here, when you're almost completely bald anyway, or say, bald with very thin hair to begin with, then shaving your head is a legit option. Why fight it, eh? And this isn't about how someone looks when they're bald. I don't even want to get into the whole, "well some guys look cool bald" fight. We'll get into our society's stupid obsession with appearances later. I'm not talking about that. What I'm talking about is the decision to try to maintain some semblance of youth by shaving one's mid-life balding pattern because it's the cool thing that young guys do nowadays. I'm telling you 30-somethings, it ain't workin' any better than your uncle's comb-over. Give it up.

I'm sure this is connected: does anyone remember how long it's been that military hairstyles were cool? When I was in college, it was pretty easy to spot the guys in ROTC. They were the only ones with those haircuts. If you hit a college campus these days, or a high school, or a mall, you'd think everyone had signed up and hit the post barber shop. When did that become fashionable? There are religions that prohibit mustaches to avoid the look of a military man, and hippies used to buy short haired wigs in order to hide their long hair to do their guard or reserve weekend duty in order to avoid being drafted into "the real military." Now everyone wants to look like they're in?? I guess 9/11 at least made service to one's country cool again, but I don't know if that's really enough to influence fashion.

It's funny, Ray suggested I take a look at another 'blog wherein a guy referenced the same article about ties that I wrote about last post. That fella argued that clothes do in fact make the man and while I disagreed, I know what he meant. The impression that I made upon a previous employer proves both sides of that fight. About ten years ago I picked out my standard "interview ensemble" of a navy blazer, khakis, a light blue button down dress shirt, and a gold tie and I set out for two interviews one Saturday morning to be an English teacher.

I don't own a suit and if I did at the time, it probably didn't fit anymore, so that was the best I could do. With my military haircut, smart guy glasses and these clothes, I'm pretty sure the guy who hired me thought he was getting a conservative mid-westerner who had proven himself with a couple years of subbing and one contracted year of teaching in my very own classroom. (Only later did I realize what a good catch that made me... proven, but just barely, and therefore cheap) Anyone reading this right now knows that the conservative part couldn't be further from the reality. It didn't take them long to realize they'd invited a bit of an oddball into their very tight, very conservative, very Catholic community.

So did the clothes make the man? There's no arguing they helped get me the job, but were they "me." We know the answer to that and it's just one small part of my point about appearances. I wore a tie to that school almost every day that I taught there. I did this for the administrators and a handful of parents, not for the students, who will read through sham quicker than they're ever given credit for. So did the clothes make me? Did they help my students meet the state's educational objectives? Dumb question isn't it?

Let's get back to the headwear. The topic of religion often comes up at work and today was no exception. A few of us were discussing the appropriateness of having an email signature with a religious message. I am often tempted to create my own version of these. One that I receive quite often is a cute little cloud with the sentence, "May God smile upon you today." I have a few in mind I'd like to send back like: "May Hera protect you from Zeus's wrath" or "May Hades reunite you with your passed loved ones" (not that I wish anyone dead, but you know...)or "May the breast of Isis nourish and fulfill you" or, my favorite, "May Thor's thunder cloak you from the missionaries and protect your culture from the Christians." I'd include a cute little picture of the appropriate deity so they'd know I was just wishing them well.

Anyway, today's lunch table discussion actually grew out of a chain email somebody received about Pepsi listing the Pledge of Allegiance on cans without the "under God" congressional addendum... which turned out to be a completely misguided rumor possibly originating from a Dr. Pepper can on which appeared a line or two similar to lines from the pledge, but not the entire pledge, and thus, not "missing" the God part, as clarified by Snopes. But that alone wasn't enough to sustain religious conversation in a government workplace among people who like to keep their jobs. What really did it was a reminder, during these summer months and on casual Fridays, of the dress and appearance standards that our boss passed along from HR just in case anyone was thinking of wearing beach attire to work. The line that struck me, and that I injected into the conversation, fell under the category: Clothing, subcategory: Accessories and it went something like this: "Headwear is not permitted in our medical center unless part of a uniform, for religious reasons, or as part of required safety gear."

So I'm thinking that once the Tribe gets their poop back in a group after the all-star break, I'll wear my Tribe hat to work because I'll start "worshipping" them again. I mean, c'mon - is headwear permitted or isn't it? If there's a logical reason for not having it on at work, then why would religious headwear be the exception?

I know times have changed. After all, when I was a kid, men didn't wear hats indoors at all unless they were cops or military guards on duty and carrying a weapon... apparently it wasn't safe to take your hat off when you went inside if your job required you to also carry a weapon?? But now people wear hats inside all the time... especially bald guys who think they're fooling someone by covering their heads!

Ohhh. Now I get it.

Sorry to have bothered you.

A swiftly balding Luth